I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
