hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
