No stitches, just platelets and will power
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My dick has a subreddit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
