i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
