I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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