i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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