About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
