I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
