it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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