But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
