So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
