How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
