We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
