I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
