Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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