I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
