I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
