Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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