no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
