I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
