Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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