do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
