I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
