somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
