Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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