So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
