3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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