dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Drake has all the answers
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
