i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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