I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
