I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
