I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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