I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i think im in europe. pls send help
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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