He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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