i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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