I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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