Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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