I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
