Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
