a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
