If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
