Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
a search helicopter?!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
