She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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