Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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