I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
