I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
