Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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