planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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