Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
