Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
