we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
