Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
